Contentment is tough. I want to be home with Olivia right now while she's little, but a double income would be nice as well. And then there's this blog. I work really hard to make this a creative space that's fun for my readers to visit. But, to be honest, it's a lot of work. And although I get a lot of enjoyment out of it, again it would sure to nice if this brought me a little income. Often I feel satisfied with just a job well done, but other times I'd love the satisfaction that comes with having a pay check show you your worth. I hope I'm not sounding Debbie Downerish. I'm just trying to be honest and share how I feel this week. And maybe someone can relate to my frustrations. It's a long journey, but I'm on this trip with God, trying to figure out my identity in him along. Not in what I do or even in what I look like to others around me. In my mind I know I am his daughter and that should be enough, but my heart isn't always there. And mostly I am to blame. I don't know how to say no. I volunteer for way too much. And I can't do anything half hearted. It's all or nothing. Can you relate? Or am I just rambling nonsense?
I am happy and I have so much to be thankful for (just collecting these 6 images from my instagram reminds me of that). I think sometimes everything just hits all at once and there's this urge to just burst and the seams. A good old melt down or a cry feels like it's about to hit.
But, I don't have time for that, Spring Break starts for us TODAY! We are heading out for a week of camping with Riley. It sounded like fun a month or so ago. But, now after struggling to get packed and prepare and shop for a week of meals, I'm tired. I'm sure as soon as we are actually in the car and heading down the road, I'll feel much better. And being with my family, outside without all the distractions of phones and internet is what we all need. So, if you'd like to follow along in our desert adventures this week, check me out on instagram, I'm @jeranmcconnel.
I hope I haven't shared too much or scarred you away. But, it kind of feels good to have all this off my chest. I appreciate when people are honest and transparent with me, I hope you feel the same way. I am far from perfect and have a long way to go. But, I'm so glad I have Jesus to walk me through this life. Man would I be a mess, well a bigger mess than I already am. Have a great week friends and I hope both you and I find some relaxation and encouragement.
I would have never guessed you felt that way. You come off a different person in your posts. I can see you are really pushing to get your blog out there and that looks to be your number one goal. Maybe you need to prioritize things I have to do that alot too. Thanks for the honesty.
ReplyDeleteMarlowe x x x
Marlowe, I guess I'm curious how I come off in my other posts. Today I'm just sharing the struggles I've felt this week. I think I'm a pretty open book, but you never know. I hope this didn't come across too negative. Thanks for commenting and yes priorities are important. Good thing I have a whole week with my family camping. They are the most important thing to me.
DeleteI understand! One thing thats helped me cope this year is considering myself a part-time work at home mom rather than a SAHM. That might sound strange, but it does alleviate guilt when I need to work on a project. Or even telling someone "no" when my plate is too full. I hope things slow down for you soon!
ReplyDeleteThanks Julia, it's a balancing act. Being a mom working or not is tough. But, I wouldn't trade it for anything.
DeleteI hear ya! This life is a doozy sometimes. So thankful that when you are overwhelmed or feeling unsettled you are looking to your Maker! Your transparency blessed me a ton. I can relate to so much of what you are feeling. Praying you continue to hand it all to our good God and trust Him to refine you. Oh how He loves us!! Enjoy your trip! <3
ReplyDeleteAll I can do is commiserate and say that sometimes we all get to feeling tired, worn out, and a little sick of it all. I have circled around my blog all day, about to write, and then going out and surfing around for some more inspiration. I feel like all this moving has got me posting too much negativity but heck- life is hard! Moving to Europe isn't all glamorous! I am tired, and sick of it all! I miss you and appreciate you honesty! You are never doom and gloom so its almost nice to hear that you are human too!
ReplyDeleteAhhh, thanks Hollee. Moving overseas is tough, and just plain exhausting. You will be in my prayers.
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