Phew, when will this week be over? I think I say this all the time, but this was a jam packed week. I'm actually not sure when I last had a week that wasn't. I'm sure all my working mom friends have no sympathy for me. But, for those of you that are stay at home moms, you might be able to understand this. Because I don't "work" at a "real" job, I feel like I end up with a ton of unpaid jobs that take a lot of my time and effort (not to mention that I have 3 kiddos too). Lately it has been a lot of church stuff. Right now, I'm on a committee for a big women's retreat that's happening in 2 weeks (so yesterday alone I clocked 8 hours of work for that), then there's small group that I have to clean my house for and make sure something yummy is baked, and I help run an after school homework club in a low income apartment complex on Thursdays. It's all good stuff, but I'm feeling overwhelmed and would love to just have one minute to myself. Or maybe it would be nice to bring home a pay check for all the hours I work.
Contentment is tough. I want to be home with Olivia right now while she's little, but a double income would be nice as well. And then there's this blog. I work really hard to make this a creative space that's fun for my readers to visit. But, to be honest, it's a lot of work. And although I get a lot of enjoyment out of it, again it would sure to nice if this brought me a little income. Often I feel satisfied with just a job well done, but other times I'd love the satisfaction that comes with having a pay check show you your worth. I hope I'm not sounding Debbie Downerish. I'm just trying to be honest and share how I feel this week. And maybe someone can relate to my frustrations. It's a long journey, but I'm on this trip with God, trying to figure out my identity in him along. Not in what I do or even in what I look like to others around me. In my mind I know I am his daughter and that should be enough, but my heart isn't always there. And mostly I am to blame. I don't know how to say no. I volunteer for way too much. And I can't do anything half hearted. It's all or nothing. Can you relate? Or am I just rambling nonsense?
I am happy and I have so much to be thankful for (just collecting these 6 images from my instagram reminds me of that). I think sometimes everything just hits all at once and there's this urge to just burst and the seams. A good old melt down or a cry feels like it's about to hit.
But, I don't have time for that, Spring Break starts for us TODAY! We are heading out for a week of camping with Riley. It sounded like fun a month or so ago. But, now after struggling to get packed and prepare and shop for a week of meals, I'm tired. I'm sure as soon as we are actually in the car and heading down the road, I'll feel much better. And being with my family, outside without all the distractions of phones and internet is what we all need. So, if you'd like to follow along in our desert adventures this week, check me out on instagram, I'm @jeranmcconnel.
I hope I haven't shared too much or scarred you away. But, it kind of feels good to have all this off my chest. I appreciate when people are honest and transparent with me, I hope you feel the same way. I am far from perfect and have a long way to go. But, I'm so glad I have Jesus to walk me through this life. Man would I be a mess, well a bigger mess than I already am. Have a great week friends and I hope both you and I find some relaxation and encouragement.